Once upon a time there was a poor man, and his son was a dodderer. The poor man was an old man, but his son would not have put aside a straw in the house if he had stumbled over it.
And he was already a man, he was already thirty years old. He was always clucking around the pots. He did nothing but light his two-penny pipe for ever and ever. When it burned out, he'd refill it. But he did it with so much gusto that he could loiter with it for an hour.
The old man didn't say a word as long as he could stand it. He ploughed and sowed in silence, and when God's blessing came, he reaped, sheathed, crossed, and then took home, plucked, and reaped. Our work-avoider sat only on the ready-made. But when the old man couldn't stand it any longer, he said to his son:
- Come, my dear boy, what are you looking at the sun for? Why aren't you working? How will you support me in my old age, my second childhood?!
- "Hello, my lord father," said the man who was a fool, "I will support your grace with lies. To make good my word, I'm going out into the world to earn my living by lying. Thou shalt see that it is a good trade.
All right. The errand runner has gone out into the world. He threw his pack on his back, took his staff in his hand and went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went, he went. One day he came across a man like himself, and he spoke to him and asked him:
- Hey, brother, can you put a word to a word?
- "I can," replied the man in question.
- Well, if you can, come with me! - They went, they went, they went, they went, they went against seventeen countries. One day they found the slave-judge, who rode past them in four chariots.
The slave judge was very suspicious of the two men. So he stopped his carriage and said to the maiden:
- Do you hear, Hansel? Look, there are two people over there who look like faggots, they must be thugs. Order them to come here before my eyes this instant, or I'll have the villains beaten to a pulp!
Here the buck jumps down from the buck, runs to the two men and tells them to appear before the magistrate immediately, otherwise there will be no more nemulass!
What were the two men to do? - I was where they said I was, I saw them as I see them now - strolling to the car with their hats off.
- Well, you scoundrels, because I can see by your eyes that you are scoundrels, how do you call me?
The two people say this and that.
- Where are you from?
- "From Pest," replied the liar.
- You're lying, you bastard, they're going to Pest!
- "Oh, please, we forgot something, so we're going," said the other.
- How's it going in Pest? - continues the magistrate.
- "There," replied the liar, "is nothing but a bird so big that if it spreads its wings, one end is in Pest and the other in Buda.
- Why, you scoundrel on the gallows, you're trying to make a fool of me... Hey, Hansel! play twenty-five fiddles on this man! - Here they take our liar by his ten fingernails, and fiddle him twenty-five like an egg. When the liar has got his share, as he ought, he goes to the carriage and says to the magistrate:
- I will follow the lord below, but I cannot stop, but I appeal to the king, that the lord has beaten me twenty-five times without any just cause.
The magistrate said nothing, but turned to the other, saying:
- Tell me, you scoundrel, is it true that they show such a big bird in Pest that if it spreads its wings, one end is in Pest and the other in Buda? Hey, answer me this question at once!
- "I follow your Honour," said the man of the bench, "I have not seen such a bird in Pest, but I have seen such a bird's egg that twenty-four men rolled it with seven iron rods.
Here the slave judge is thinking and says to himself, "Such a big bird's egg and such a big bird, who would have laid that big egg if not that big bird, it's true... I say, he has hardly thought of it, he says to the liar:
- My dear friend, you may be right, you may be wrong. But if thou wilt refrain from appealing to the king, Nay, here, I will give thee a hundred forints in pence.
The liar took the hundred forints and gave half of it to the man who spoke the word. And the magistrate went on his way.
Now the liar had twenty-five hazelnut sticks on his back and fifty forints in his pocket. They went on with Av.
They just go, they go, they go beyond, from here to here. All of a sudden the vicar finds them ahead of him. He, too, was suspicious of the two men, so he stopped the carriage and said to his hussar:
- Do you hear, Hansel? - because that's what they called the knight. - Look, there are two gay-looking men over there! They must be hoodlums. Take them by the ear, and lead them to me.
The knight jumps down from the buck, runs after the two men to stop, because the great vicar is calling him.
What could the liar and the man of his word do? they strolled up to the carriage with their hats off.
- "Well, you scoundrels," begins the vicar, "because I can tell from your eyes that you are scoundrels, how are you called?
The liar and the word-sayer will tell you this and that.
- Where are you from? - asks the vicar.
- "From Pest," replied the liar.
- You're lying, you bastard, they're going to Pest.
- "Oh, please," said the man who said the word, "we have left something behind and we are going.
- So what's new in Pest? - the vicissant continues to ask the liar.
- There indeed, I thank the honourable sir, there is nothing else, but the Danube has burst into flames and burnt to the bottom.
- Why, you scoundrel on the gallows, you're trying to make a fool of me... Hey, Hansel, come out!
The Hansel comes out.
- You can bet twenty-five on this good-for-nothing!... He's trying to make a fool of me!...
Here the liar is taken off his ten fingernails, and Hansel and Gretel has given him twenty-five that he will never forget as long as he lives.
When the liar has had his share, he gets up, goes to the carriage and says to the vicar:
- I already thank the vicar, but I cannot stop this. I appeal directly to the king, for I have been beaten by the great vicar without any law or just cause.
Then the vicar said nothing, and said it slowly, but turned to the man who was speaking and asked him:
- Well, villain, is it true that the Danube in Pest was set on fire and burnt to the ground?
- "I follow your Excellency," replied the one who had spoken, "I dare not say with any certainty that the Danube was in flames and burnt to the bottom, for I did not see it. But I did see that there was so much fish frying in the markets of Pest and Buda that it was covering those huge houses.
The vicepresident thinks to himself, "There are so many fried fish to cover the houses, how could it be, if not because the Danube has indeed burst into flames and burnt to the ground... - I say, he has no sooner thought of it than he tells the liar:
- Well, my dear boy, you may be right, you may not. But I say to thee, if thou wilt refrain from appealing to the king, nay, here is two hundred forints.
The liar received the two hundred forints and gave half of it to the man who had spoken the word, and the vicar went on.
And so the liar had a hundred and fifty forints and fifty hazelnut sticks. With that they went on.
They just go, they just go, they just go, against seventeen countries, beyond beyond, from here to there. One day they see a six-horse carriage coming towards them, in which the Archbishop himself was sitting. In front was a footman, in the rear a groom, and beside the carriage were six hussars.
The bailiff drives past the liar and the man of his word. He also thought the liar and the man of his word very suspicious, so he stopped his carriage and said to Janci:
- Do you hear, Hansel - because, by the way, that's what one of the hussars was called - do you hear, Hansel, look, there are two gay-looking men over there, who are probably hoodlums. Go on, take them by the ear, and bring them to me.
The knight kicks after the two good birds and soon catches up with them.
- Hey, brothers, stop right there, for the worthy archbishop summons you!
What could the liar and the man of his word do? they stand before the bailiff with their hats off. The bailiff says to them:
- Well, you scoundrels, because I can see by your eyes that you are scoundrels, how do you call me?
The liar and the verbatim answer to the question of this and that.
- Where do you come from, you scoundrels? - continues the bailiff.
- "From Pest," replied the liar.
- You're lying, you bastard, they're going to Pest.
- "Oh, please," said the man who said the word, "we forgot something there, so we're going.
- How's it going in Pest?
- "There, indeed, I beg your pardon," said the liar, "nothing but that Jesus Christ is dead, and therefore the whole city is covered with mourning and blackness.
- Well, hangman's scoundrel, are you trying to make a fool of me?.... Go on, take him, and fiddle away at him for twenty-five.
Here our liar is taken off his ten fingernails, and twenty-five are put on him, that he will not forget it as long as he lives.
When the liar has had his share, as he should, he rises and goes to the bailiff and says to him:
- I will follow the Archbishop, but I cannot stop. I appeal directly to the king, because the worthy bailiff has beaten me without any law and without any just cause.
Then the bailiff said nothing, and said it slowly, but turned to the man who said the word, and said to him:
- Well, you scoundrel, is it true that Jesus Christ died in Pest?
- I follow your Excellency, I dare not say with certainty that Jesus Christ died in Pest, for I have not seen him. But I have seen that from the ground up to the heavens there are heavenly ladders, on which angels dressed in black go up and down.
Here the bailiff is moved to reflect, and he thinks, why would there be heavenly ladders raised from earth to heaven, if indeed Christ had not died? I say, when he hath thought of all this, he saith to the liar:
- You hear, my friend, you may be right, you may be wrong. Nevertheless, this is my word and my saying, if thou wilt refrain from appealing to the king, Nay, here, I will give thee three hundred forints in pence.
The liar took the three hundred forints and gave half of it, one hundred and fifty forints, to the man who said the word. So the liar had three hundred forints and seventy-five peanut sticks. Then they parted. One went to the right and the other to the left, and each made his way home safely.
- 'Well, my lord father,' said the liar, 'here it is, I have got three hundred forints by lying. But at the end of the thing is a little knob, like seventy-five pieces of peanut-tree-stick. These I will keep for myself as a lesson, and the three hundred forints I will give to your grace, that he may have something to live on.
Then the liar set to work, and took his plowshare, and found it easier than the seventy-five hazel-sticks. So far it was, tale was probably not true.
(Vilmos Radó: Hungarian Children's and Folk Tales, First Collection - Singer and Wolfner Publishing; Budapest, Andrássy út 10, VI.)
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